


Do me a favor- forget about me

by RubyDreamer



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Gen, I am not sorry, also idk what happens in the books as i read only two and a half so this is, and probably oc, this is just me let my angsty side take control, this is such a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:11:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7001077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyDreamer/pseuds/RubyDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one were Raphael tell Simon to forget about him but he can't. So he moves to London.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye my almost lover

**Author's Note:**

> I only read two and a half books from TMI... this is more based on the show. so yea hope you like it anyway!

 

The one were Raphael tell Simon to forget about him but he can't.  
  
_"Do me a favor- forget about me."_  
  
The words still echo in Simons mind, they just wouldn't leave him alone, playing over and over again. It’s been a week but he can still hear the hurt, betrayal and disappointment clear in the voice that spoke them to him. Simon thinks this is all so unreal and it didn't happen, it just happened in a bad dream. No, he can't loose his soul mate like this, not because of something so stupid and ignorant on his part. He knows it’s his fault and he did do the wrong thing, he can't undo it any more! How he wishes he could! Stupid Clary, wishing he could hate her for it because she tricked him into doing it. It’s not like he wanted to break Camille free it was Clary’s plan all along and she doesn't even care that he is moping in his room now because she has better things to do, then mhm…. Care about him.  
  
God, life was never easy for him nor will it ever be right? Oh, screw it!  
Simon puts on his jacket, well more like Raphael’s; he still has it from the wedding. He makes sure to be quiet about leaving; he doesn't want anyone at the Institute to know that he is gone. Getting out is way easier then he imagined, but apparently no one here really cares about him enough to notice the escape. Slowly walking down the streets as rain hits him, not that he cares as the wetness doesn’t bother him anyway. It's actually calming to feel the rain on his skin, to hear it drip down the drains and as it hits the ground. Makes him feel alive somehow, that he isn't completely alone. He doesn't feel hungry at all either so he doesn't mind the people walking past him, last few ones that are still out so late.

He takes a turn and end ups in a park, looking for a bench to sit down. Chilling on the bench and just calmly listening to the rain. Simon is supposed to meet Lily soon, as he keeps on giving her the apology letters he writes for Raphael. He just hopes they actually get read by him or even just Lily so someone at least knows that he regrets what he has done and does want to come back to the Coven. He understands that he can’t just get their trust back that easy, it’ll take years or even centuries to built that up again.

Why did he even think setting Camille free was a good idea to start with? That reminds him of the thing Alice, the one from Wonderland said; “I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it.” Which is true, he should really learn to listen to his inner voice some more. Simon keeps on thinking of what his next move could be. Should he just leave the Institute, because no one really cares about him there, okay maybe Clary and Izzy do but they don’t exactly make him feel welcome or like he is apart of their little group. Given that he is a vampire and they are, well, Shadowhunters that usually kill someone like him. Jace still doesn’t really like him nor does Alec; Magnus seems to have taken a slight interest at him, which is a win at least.

Maybe Magnus will help him find a place he can stay?

He should really go and ask him. Simon doesn’t realize that he has been sitting on that bench for so long as he can feel to sun starting to rise. He quickly makes his way to Magnus’ loft and not the Institute as he knows that there is no going back and he doesn’t want to stay there any longer if he can help it. As he arrives at the warlock’s apartment building he realizes that he has no idea when Magnus sleeps and decides to finally take a look at his watch, 5.15 am, okay maybe not the best time to knock on anyone’s door. So he waits inside the building, as in slowly walking up to Magnus’ door which appears to be wide open.

“Come in, Simon.”

How did the warlock know he’d be there? Okay who else would turn up around this hour of the day at his door without calling or texting. Taking a deep breath Simon carefully steps into the apartment and closes the door behind him. Magnus bids Simon to take a place on his couch and they start to discuss the matter at hand, as in how the young vampire should leave his life at the Institute behind and how he should get blood because well that’s literally the only thing keeping him alive right now.  

Thankfully Magnus knows the High Warlock of London really well and talks with her to get Simon a job at the warlock’s bar. And a place to live, he has to share with four other vampires but that’s okay because at least they won’t judge him for drinking blood. London does seem a little bit too far away but he needs it, Simon needs to get as far away as possible. Seeing his family die and his friends move on without him, he doesn’t want to do this. It just seems to impossible for him, even thought his family probably still has a couple of years to live but as he doesn’t age he can’t exactly stay with them nor explain to them why he isn’t growing older. Simon doesn’t want his family to be thrown into this Shadow world full off Downworlders and Shadowhunters; his soul, well what’s left of it anyway, would not be able to bear the thought of that.

Magnus promises to give Raphael the letter as he forgot to meet up with Lily, who will hopefully not be too mad. Maybe someday the older vampire will forgive him or at least talk to him again because Simon really misses him even if it’s been only 2 months of not hearing a word from him. It still hurts, you know?

Even if it was his fault, but there is nothing he can do anymore. Izzy tried to kill Raphael and the other vampires with breaking down the wall, not Simons doing but he is blaming himself for that too. Or having Raphael agree to help them. How could he have been such a fool?

The Shadowhunters twist and bend the rules like they need them to be, so they can win, no matter how or at what risk.

The warlock lets him stay at his apartment because he can’t really leave now that the sun is completely out. But Simon does something productive, he talks with the warlock in London, whose name is Abigail, she seems to be a really nice person. Simon is taking this whole leaving New York behind even lighter then he thought he would. Talking to Clary won’t be the problem he literally has no idea why he knows that but he just has a feeling it will be easy. It’s not like they can’t still talk on Skype or something or chat with the rest of the gang. London will be good for him he will like it there he just knows and a tiny part of him hopes that Raphael might join him there someday. He can still dream, right?

Abigail introduces him to the four vampires he will be staying with, John, Emma, Kina and Niall, two Irish and two British ones, Simon fits perfect into that mix. The quartet shows him via Skype the room he will be staying in and actually ask him if he’d like to change anything about it while he is traveling, they’d do it for him because they want him to feel at home. He likes it; the room is quite simple, white and gray with hints of green in it, that’s something he can get used to. The house the four live in is actually really white and open. All of them have their own room, they have three bathrooms, and he will need to share with John and Niall as the girls called dips on their own bathroom. Okay that’s something he will be able to get used to. They don’t have a kitchen, it got converted into a bathroom, and he understands why they did that. Not like either of them has to eat so they don’t really need a kitchen.

After talking with them he really can’t wait to leave. As he talked with them it started to get dark outside again, which made him realize that the four vampires chatted with him even thought they should have been asleep. Which just makes him appreciate them even more, he seriously can’t wait to meet them in person. Magnus books him a ticket for the next night, arranges everything with the visa and will put a charm on him just before the flight so it doesn’t matter if some sun touches his skin. Simon strolls back to the Institute to pack up his things and he tries to get a hold off Clary but as he finds out from one of the other Shadowhunters she is out on a hunt, again. Deciding to write a letter to her and another one to Raphael too because he can’t just leave without saying goodbye.

 

_“Dear Clary,_

_I am writing this to you because you were out on a hunt and I just couldn’t wait anymore as I have a flight to catch. Don’t worry I will be safe, Magnus made sure of that. I am going to London and I am planning on staying there, we can Skype from time to time if you feel up for doing that. I am sorry to leave out of the blue like that but I am sure you will be fine here without me too. I will try to write you an email every once in a while. Just I hope that you can understand this even if we haven’t been talking with each other that much lately._

_I will have a place to stay and somewhere work in London and nice people living with me, who are also vampires so you don’t need to think about that either. I am going to be safe and hopefully better off then here._

_I just feel too crowded and alone in the Institute because no one here is like me nor do they want me to be here, besides you and Izzy. Again sorry for leaving suddenly and without a goodbye. Please don’t be mad at me. I still care a lot about you and hopefully will hear from you when I am in London._

_Simon”_

The one to Clary didn’t take him a lot of time to write, on the other hand the one for Raphael took way too much time. Simon scribbled one down but wasn’t fully happy with it so he threw it away, packed the few things he had in the Institute and sat down to rewrite the letter again.

 

_“Dear Raphael,_

_I do really hope you are reading this letters as I have no idea, you didn’t answer me once. I understand why you don’t write me back thought, as you must be still mad at me for what I did. And believe me I am so sorry I can’t even explain to you how much I regret everything I did to you, I wish I could turn time and make it all undone, but that is not in my power._

_I just want to let you know that this is the last letter you will be receiving from me in a while as I am moving to London and will have to figure out a way to get this letters to you before being able to send them again. There will be an ocean between us from now on. I hope this will help you maybe even just a little bit to forgive me someday and maybe you’ll visit me once or something._

_I know you told me to forget about you, but I can’t. I love you too much for that._

_Magnus is helping me, I guess I’ll be alright. He made sure I had a place to work at and a High Warlock for that matter is my boss, and I am going to move in with four other vampires, which will surely be way better then staying here in the Institute._

_Anyway I hope this letter makes it to you and that you will actually read it and not burn it or something. I just want you to know that I will miss you a lot and writing to you at least once a week, maybe I will still be able to do that somehow._

_Forever yours_

_Simon, who is forever sorry and in love with you_

_p.s.: Forever is a long time for a vampire but it’s worth it for you.”_

Simon leaves the letter for Clary on the bed and takes the one for Raphael with him so he can give it to Magnus at the airport so that he can say goodbye to his love for once and for all. Glancing at the clock he checks how much longer he has before he has to leave, just thirty more minutes to go. Simon chugs down a last liter of blood, just in case. He checks the room again if he has packed everything and as he is about to leave Alec knocks on his door and waltzes in.

“You ready to go?”

Of course Magnus told the Shadowhunter, taking a deep breath Simon smiles and nods. Yes, he is ready to leave. Picking up his belongings he follows Alec out of the room and gets lead to a portal in Alec’s room which transports them to Magnus’ house. The couple exchanges a worried look and a hug before Magnus bespelles Simon with the no sun can harm him charm before they make their way to the airport.

Simon doesn’t really talk on the way there nor is there along goodbye, he gives Magnus the letter for Raphael before he walks towards the security to leave. He turns around once more to wave at the warlock and he gets a small sad smile in return. This is it, taking a deep breath as he walks to the gates. After he gets his things back he takes out his headphones and makes his way to his gate. Thankfully he can wait in the shadows, as much as he trusts Magnus’ magic he still doesn’t want to stand in the sun if he can help it. Some time passes and he can finally get on the plane and leave New York behind. London here he comes.


	2. Feeling Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took ages but I am not done with the story yet, and I need your help please check the notes at the end thank you :D have fun while reading

As Simon is sitting in the plane, it fully hits him. He just left New York without saying really goodbye, wow. But to be honest he doesn't really feel bad, more excited then anything as he can't wait to meet his new life. And to be fair it's not like he will be missing out on so much as the only person he still cares about isn't talking to him. He is quite certain that he will be more welcome in his new home then he ever was back in the US. 

Simon is just really glad Magnus knew a spell against the burning, even thought he is sitting in the seat farthest away from the window, a few sun beams are still grazing his skin, as the sun comes up when he is close to landing. London is so close he can almost feel it; the couple next to him thankfully didn't talk to him the whole flight, as they were asleep. This meant he had the whole flight to himself and his thoughts, not that bad because he started to write a song. Since he didn’t have a paper to scribble on, he grabbed napkin as it is the next best thing.

He stuffs the text into his pocket as the pilot announces that they are about to land soon. The butterflies in his stomach are going crazy, Simon really can not wait to meet his new life and home. He can soon check if Clary or maybe even Raphael texted him, the later probably not but a guy can hope alright. As they finally land Simon patiently waits for the other passengers to walk out before he takes his duffle bag and gets off the plane. Taking a deep breath he walks through the security, standing on the platform to check his papers and he is allowed to walk past without problem to gather is stuff. With his suitcase and guitar case in hand he strolls out in the open and immediately sees Abigail waiting for him with a sign, which reads his name. He laughs and walks towards her, where he is getting pulled into a hug first of all the things. That is something he surely wasn’t excepting but he’ll gladly take it.  
Abigail kinda reminds him of Arden Cho, look and style wise, he tells her as much. She laughs but thanks him regardless and guides him to her car. In the car Niall and Kina are waiting in the backseat to welcome him to his new life in London. 

“Hey, newbie, hope you had a save flight.” Niall said, “We wanted to come along to pick you up so you wouldn’t feel that awkward to come into our house.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Simon mumbles as he climbs into the front seat. Abigail volunteered to put his stuff in the trunk and then the warlock walks around the car to get in at the drivers seat.

“Are you ready for your new life?” The warlock questions him as she starts the car. Simon simple nods and takes a deep breath, which he doesn’t need but it still calms him down a little. 

Niall and Kina make him feel welcome straight away; in the car on their way to his new home; they tell him all about their clan. Which is way more different then in New York, here no one really is a clan leader as people prefer to stay in small groups; like up to 10 people maximum; and if anyone really is looking for trouble Abigail is usually the first to know, the High Warlock thing is still a thing even across the ocean, but they don’t have that many Shadowhunters here as the Downworlder in London are more chill and just want to keep to themselves and enjoy their lives. 

Kina is the “clan leader” in Simons new home and the four or well now five usually stick together but recently had someone leave because they wanted to move to Odessa in the Ukraine for a change of scenery. So Simon will fit in right away. The vampires day’s usually is them helping out at Abigail’s Pandemon because well they somehow need to earn their blood as the warlock is the one who gives it to them. Simon’s days will involve training, so he can become a better vampire and to be able to control his new abilities better as Kina found out that he didn’t really get any training yet.

Magnus told Abigail about the letters he needs to send; Magnus didn’t tell her to whom or why he writes them; but she will be able to forward them to Magnus so that the letters will be delivered. A relieve for Simon. At least he can keep his ‘therapy’ writing sessions up, in which he pours his heart out not matter if it’s only to Lily or even Raphael. He knows Raphael is busy with being the clan leader but it still would have been nice if he would have gotten some kind of answer from the older vampire. Some kind of sign that Raphael is or at least was reading the letters, something anything at all would have made Simon feel more at ease.

“We’re here.” Niall smiles at Simon as he opens the door and climbs out, Simon follows suit. 

“Whoa,” Simon beams with excitement, “the house looks really amazing. Just like in the movies.” The others laugh at him before Kina ruffles a hand through his hair. 

“Welcome to your new home,” Kina explains, “We really hope you’ll like it here with us.”

Simon just smiles at her and is about to takes his stuff out of the trunk only to discover that Abigail has already taken it with her and is walking into the house. The young vampire takes an unnecessary breath before walking after the others. Inside the house Kina takes his hand and guides him through the house and shows him his room, where his stuff is already placed on the bed. 

“I’ll leave you to it, as you must be tired after your journey,” Kina smiles at him, “if you need anything we are in the living room and if we aren’t we left for work but don’t worry we’ll come back.” The elder vampire softly closes the door behind her as she leaves the room.  
Thankful for the alone time, Simon puts his stuff on the floor and falls down on the bed. As soon as he hits the mattress he falls asleep. When he wakes up again, he doesn’t feel the others presence anymore and decides to check out the house in real life, always different from what you see via internet. As he enters the living room he notices a huge fridge, with a sticky note on it, it reads, “Simon – if you get hungry please take a bag, as we don’t want you to starve, bin is over there *draw arrow to the right* - your new housemates”. Taking that as an invitation he opens the fridge and takes out a blood pack, slowly opens it to drink it. 

Afterwards he junks the pack and leaves to go back to his room. Searching for the napkin he scribbled on in the plane, finding it to lie it down on his desk. The next thing he takes out of his suitcase is his notebook and his beloved pencil, both going on the desk so he can write the lyrics down in the notebook. Good, with the lyrics written out nicely all he needs to do now is get matching sound, taking out his guitar he does just that. 

A couple of hours and some making later, the rest of the vampires come home again and tell him that he should try to catch some sleep tonight so he can get used to their schedule as he will also have to work tonight, his place to stay with them will have to be earned. Simon will help with delivering the drinks to people at the Pandemon at first. Defeated and also tired again from writing, or more like thinking about Raphael, got his mind all worked up and he decides that going to sleep sounds like a really good idea. 

He falls into a rhythm with the rest of the gang easily, about a month in his stay he doesn’t even complain anymore, he gets used to working pretty quickly and is even allowed to take orders now. Which makes him really proud but Simon would never admit that to anyone. After work he usually gets a training session for about two hours from either of the four members or all of them train together, which is also a bonding experience. He is really starting to feel like one of them and can feel them through his bond, which he learned can be achieved through friendship of a clan as well as the whole thing from your ‘maker’.

The only sad thing, he hasn’t heard from Clary yet… nor Lily or Raphael guess that shows him how they really feel about him. Whatever he has new friends now that make him feel like family and treat him good. Actually they ask him if he is feeling alright if he seems just a little upset, he wouldn’t change this again for anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for bearing with me :)  
> if anyone wants to visual on the vampires  
> Kina - Kina Grannis from youtube  
> Niall - Niall Horan (sorry)  
> John - John Legend  
> Emma - Emma Stone (in her ginger hair)  
> and Abigail - Arden Cho, as mentioned in the story


	3. So Silent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me and for the song suggestions, in this chapter you will find out why I wanted some (they are not in this chapter yet okay they will be there) :*

Starting to get his life back together, slowly but surely, Simon felt like performing again. He has already written a couple of songs since he got to London and would love to sing them to an audience or for starters just his clan. He kinda neglected the letters thought, he felt like they really couldn’t transport his feelings anymore, maybe he’ll just have one of his clan members record a video of him performing so he could send that to Magnus, who can in turn show it to Raphael. A guy can hope alright.

He did get a letter back from Clary, it read:

“Dear Simon,

I hope you are alright and made yourself already feel comfortable and at home in London. To be honest with you I didn’t feel that shocked when you left, I just wish you’d have said goodbye to my face instead of leaving a letter but that did make it easier on both of us, otherwise it would have ended in way too much ugly crying. I don’t judge you regardless, you’ll always have a special place in my heart, best friends don’t just walk out without leaving a mark and yours is positive so don’t worry. 

Sorry for not answering sooner, as I was busy fighting Valentine – we won but that leave us with a lot of cleaning up after him. My mother is doing fine and we are trying to get a long again, as being lied to you your whole life is not something you get over so easily, we’ll have to figure out in our own time how to be comfortable around each other and trusting us again.  
I only now am finding the time to write you back, I hope you can forgive me. And I think I would have done the same as you did, just leave this place behind because there is nothing holding you here anymore as I know how much you love your family and you don’t want to see them die; I think it will be easier on you this way. I have visited them and they do miss you but are adjudging to you not being here slowly but good.

I hope to hear from you again sometime soon, please I do miss you, even if you don’t think I do. Because I did kind of neglect you when you were here, which I am really sorry for but I just had so much stuff to learn. But you need to learn new stuff now too, to become a better vampire!!! Because no one in the Institute could have taught you that stuff, so I hope your new clan will make up for that matter and keep you save. 

Just be happy across the sea and have a good time for as long as you’ll stay there.

Love you always  
Clary

Ps. Sorry for the rambling and the drawing is of you and me, as I look now, so you’ll always remember me like this.” 

The drawing that was added to the letter has made it’s way into a frame; provided by Emma who felt like it would need one; and is now standing on his bedside table. The frame is fitting to the room, as it is a lime green and the drawing is only in black and white. It shows Simon and Clary halfway hugging and Simon will forever be jealous of Clary’s drawing skills, he’ll stick to taking pictures and to write songs to remember people and emotions he felt in these moments. How he got so sappy he might never know, but who is he to complain? It makes Simon write more heartfelt songs so he will continue doing it. 

Speaking of songs, Kina told him she would love to sing a song with him and put it up on a ‘Downworlder’ YouTube; because well you can’t really post stuff on normal YouTube and not grow old, people would notice. So being the techno age, the younger Downworlders thought ‘hey, why not make a YouTube for only us’ and they did just that. And Kina, Niall and John sometimes post videos, well Kina more then the others as she actually is really good and people love her videos so she can make money with it, and let’s face it, even vampire’s need money. So that’s how Simon found himself in Kina’s room in front of a camera with a guitar. They cover the song “Stay” by Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko and harmonies the song, according to their clan perfectly. 

Simon does not feel 100% comfortable in front of the camera but maybe, just maybe, it will get to Raphael and yea… okay he should stop dreaming about this. Raphael will not forgive him anytime soon nor will he hear from him either. Ahhh, maybe that’s why Kina wanted to cover the song, as it isn’t the newest on the market. No, that’s probably not the reason, maybe she just got asked to do the song. Anyway, they finish filming the song and Kina puts it up on YouTube. Simon sends Clary a link to the cover, because well let’s face it he will never really talk to her again so the best way to communicate with her is via songs maybe he should actually start a cover song career on the internet himself. Mhm… He’ll ask the others about it later but now he has to go eat or drink depending on who you ask and then he can go to sleep and get another day over and done with. 

He doesn’t regret moving here but he doesn’t really love it here either. He is so torn at the moment all he wants is Raphael to be by his side, but that is apparently not happing any time soon. Raphael is 70 years old, at least, that must have given him more patience then Simon, who is only 22 and still impatient. So the younger vampire is trying to learn, to understand that you don’t always have to rush things. That you have to be your own person and find out your own strength and basically become a good vampire. 

Simon is getting better with controlling all of his senses, finding places where his clan hid his next meal, fighting them and getting up again. Emma keeps on helping him with patience as she makes him meditate and find his inner peace to well be able to live longer then your average human, even if he is a vampire it doesn’t mean that he is immortal. There is always someone out there who wants to kill you even if it’s for no reason whatsoever. And our young vampire needs to be ready for any situation. That’s why the others are helping him.

He sill hasn’t written to Raphael again, even thought he wants to but he just can’t find the right words, the only time he finds the right way to portray his feelings are with songs. And he has written a lot of them lately, some are happy, some are sad and others are actually him saying how sorry he is. Simon wants to perform them, but he doesn’t have the guts to sing on stage alone yet. Maybe he should really start with making videos, he’ll see what the people on Kina’s video have to say about him and if they actually like his voice.

As it turns out the people love Simon, and Clary shared the video with all the Shadowhunters too, which could mean that maybe Magnus will show it to Raphael, one can hope alright. Simon goes to the Pandemonium the next morning feeling lighter then he ever did because well it does feel good to hear other people’s options about him. And that makes him want to start a channel himself; yea he will do that after his shift tonight. Abigail tells him that the people in the club asked her about him and that he should really get over himself to perform here so everyone can enjoy his talent. But he is not yet ready for that, maybe being kinda anonymous on the internet first until he his getting more comfortable with himself and his songs to be able to perform on a stage. 

When he gets home again after work, Kina tells him that the video has the most views she has ever gotten and tells him that she already made him a channel and that he can take her camera and microphone, of course asking first, just in case she needs it too at the time. So when he is ready he can go and start filming, she will edit the video and audio for him. Niall and John told him that they would even help him with some songs if he wants to, as they both can sing. Niall would be able to play guitar or drums and John the piano/keyboard so he could really get this going and write amazing and heartfelt songs. Maybe sappy enough to win back Raphael or at least gain his attention and then beg him some more for forgiveness. 

It’s not like Raphael can just leave New York and show up here or something, Simon laughs lightly at his own wishful thinking. The older vampire can’t just leave his whole clan alone for some time. Or maybe he can? If he really wants Simon back… Okay no, he needs to stop thinking about Raphael like that. Simon has to leave him behind, jokes on you – that’s not going to happen anytime soon, according to Simon’s brain.

As he is actually free that night he decides to ask Kina for her camera, who says yes, so he sets up the camera on his desk to film himself playing the guitar and singing the song he wrote on the plane:

“So silent,  
that every one of us knew,  
this is forever,  
forever and a lifetime.  
And it was so silent,  
that every one of us suspected,  
there isn’t a word for this,  
which can describe this feeling.

So silent, that all clocks fell silent,  
yes, the march of time stopped,  
you walked away so silent and so lost,  
you walked away so silent and so lost.”

After finishing the first part of the song, he slows down a bit and smiles sadly at the camera as he is remembering the feeling of that night again. With a sad look on his face he starts to sing again:

“I have heard so much, and yet nothing gets to me,  
that’s the reason why I can’t sleep at night.  
And if I write a thousand songs about missing you,  
doesn’t mean that I understand,  
why this feeling lasts forever.

So loud, the hours after the impact,  
when I had to gather and to understand it all,  
so loud, that everything we knew brought us nothing but emptiness.  
So loud and so lost was it now,  
as silence lived with us instead of you.

I have heard so much, and yet nothing gets to me,  
that’s the reason why I can’t sleep at night.  
And if I write a thousand songs about missing you,  
doesn’t mean that I understand,  
why this feeling lasts forever.

So silent, although I miss you every day,  
and wherever you are right now,  
you show me, that silence is now your friend.

I have heard so much, and yet nothing gets to me,  
that’s the reason why I can’t sleep at night,  
and if I write a thousand songs about missing you,  
doesn’t mean that I understand,  
doesn’t mean that I understand.“ 

Before he sings the last part he takes a deep breath and has to blink away some tears that started to form in his eyes:

“I have heard so much, and yet nothing gets to me,  
that’s the reason why I can’t sleep at night.  
And if I write a thousand songs about missing you,  
doesn’t mean that I understand,  
why this feeling lasts forever.” 

He carefully puts down his guitar and smiles at the camera before turning it off. Taking the camera of his desk again, he goes to open up his door but is surprised but the others already standing in the doorway and applauding him. He laughs at their reaction and thanks them. Kina eagerly takes the camera from him, “I’ll go and upload this right now and whoever made you write such a song is seriously missing out.”

Emma squeezes him and tells him that he should never stop singing. Niall gives him a hug and John claps him on his shoulder. Alright, four people already like the song, now the one person just needs to see/hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song I used is originally from a german band called Jupiter Jones, I just took an english translation and tried to make the lyrics a bit better fitting, but its mostly the original text :D  
> thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you liked it and if I should continue it? thanks for reading! :*


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